“Survivor: Pulau ‘Never Gone’”

— “Survivor: Pulau” has ended and with it one of the best seasons in
it’s 10 season history. A season of firsts, this group provided 13
episodes of great entertainment, and some of the STUPIDEST MOVES

Ian, in the final immunity challenge- an endurance challenge on a buoy
that was heading into it’s 12th hour- essentially gave up. He tells his
competitor Tom, the newly crowned winner of the series, that he’ll give
up right then if Tom will promise to take Katie to the final two.
Katie. The woman who gave up this challenge at hour 4. Tom, not being a
dullard, asks about the catch because Ian has to be working this
somehow right? Nope, no catch he’s giving up to win back his integrity
with he felt had been lost over the past few days. Tom agrees and Ian
is gone.

Then Katie, who spent the entire game coasting on the strengths of Tom
and Ian, and who did NOTHING to make it to the final two, gets bitchy
at the jury questions. Hell she refused to answer Janu’s (admittedly
dumb) question because she knew she wasn’t getting her vote. Moron!

Luckily, idiotic moves are not alien to the franchise and we’ll have a
whole new batch of paranoia and impending idiocy in September when
“Survivor Guatemala: The Mayan Empire” comes to CBS. The fist and
second stupid move has already occurred in fact. First, the title. This
will now be the second season with a subtitle (The first being
“Survivor Vanuatu: Islands of Fire”) and if it follows that tradition
it’s gonna suck royally. The subtitle is too long, and it causes
Burnett and Co. to get mired down in their theme the the point of
ridiculousness (see “Survivor: Pearl Islands”-pirates, my god the pirates- and “Vanuatu”-volcanoes, we get it guys, shut up). Secondly, the promo
indicates that the misnomered “castaways” will be living in Mayan ruins.
Really? That takes away the hilarity of the shelter building and allows
for a messy “are they desecrating ancient temples for lousy American
entertainment” debate that no one really wants to get into.

I’ll totally still watch though.

— The Backstreet Boys are back. Yeah I know, no one cares. I’m a fan of
theirs and I don’t care. What I’m struck by though is that they’re
releasing an album on June 4 called (try not to laugh) “Never Gone”.
No, seriously. I can’t believe it either. ’Cause see, the thing is
guys, you were SO GONE. Since like 1999. And their new single”Incomplete”?
This is your reentry, or from your warped perspectives your latest
entry, into the musical universe? It’s a weak sappy ballad on par with
“The Shape of your Heart” for sheer lack of real emotion. Y’all are
gonna have to do better than that to regain any semblance of relevancy.
Not that you actually had much to begin with.

“Never Gone”? Self-delusion party of 5.

— Hey y’all remember: “Britney and Kevin: Chaotic” premieres Tuesday on
UPN. White trash, deluded total idiots whoring their personal tapes of
each other. Can I handle your truth Brit? I doubt it, ’cause the
burning itching sensation would get old after a while, but I can’t wait
to try. The celebrity downward spiral will be televised, wee!!


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