That’s what

— Oh my god, You simply much watch Adult Swim’s new show “Robot Chicken
(Executive Producer/Voice Talent: Seth Green) It’s sick and wrong on the
level of “Drawn Together” but with that special childhood-raping zeal
that only Adult Swim can bring (See “Family Guy” one of the funniest shows of the last 15 years). Laughed my ass off. —

I was just watching something on VH1in which they referenced the
fabulously overwrought power ballad “I would do anything for love (but
I won’t do that)
” by opera-rock extraordinaire Meat Loaf and it really
pissed me off. See they, like most people, quibbled with the song on
the basis that Mr. Loaf never defines what the “it” is that he won’t
do.

But he does.

Granted it comes around minute 9 of the original 11-minute album
version, but it’s still there. The revelation comes during the duet
segment (it’s 11-minutes-and-some-change of some seriously melodramatic
belting, of course there’s a duet segment. He’d be crazy not to have
one) transcribed here:

Girl: Will you raise me up? Will you help me down? Will
you get me right out of this god-forsaken town? Will you make it all a
little less cold?

 

Loaf: I can do that, oh I can do that

 

Girl: Will you hold me sacred will you hold me tight? Can you colorize
my life, I’m so sick of black and white? Can you make it all a little
less old?

 

Loaf: I can do that, oh-whoa-now I can do that

 

Girl: Can you make me some magic with your own two hands? Can you build
an emerald city with these grains of sand? Can you give me something I
can take home?

 

Loaf: Now I can do that, (groaning) Now I can do that

 

Girl: Will you cater to every fantasy I’ve got? Will you hose me down with holy water if I get too hot? (ASIDE:
I still consider this the be the hottest line ever sung. It gives me
chills with the deeply wrong sexual implications of holy water in a sex
act. I don’t know why but HOLY FUCK is that sexy for some reason.) Will you take me places I’ve never known?

 

Loaf: Now I can do that (screaming) Now I can do that (ASIDE: The above super hot line is somewhat dulled by the prospect of Meat Loaf fulfilling the request)

Girl: After a while you’ll forget everything, it was a brief
interlude and a midsummer night’s fling and you’ll see that it’s time
to move on.

 

Loaf: I won’t do that. I won’t do that

 

Girl: I know the territory I’ve been around, it’ll all turn to dust and
we’ll all fall down. Sooner or later you’ll be screwing around.

 

Loaf: I won’t do that. No I do won’t that.

See? Idiots at VH1 might want to listen to the songs that they ridicule
prior to writing their jokes. Just a thought. Although, even though the
above is transcribed from my copy of the CD (I was young once too,
embarrassing music goes with the territory. To be fair I’ve owned the
CD since it’s release and I’ve only ever listened to that one song.)
it’s totally rip-worthy for all of it’s hilariously over-the-top
bellowing. I mean, damn.

*NOTE: The above isn’t meant to imply that I actually like the music of
Meat Loaf, ’cause I don’t. His acting on the other hand is… well
The Rocky Horror Picture Show” was supposed to be terrible (wasn’t it?) and
in “Fight Club”… well his name was Robert Paulson, and he had
enormous man-tits…. yeah ok his acting sucks too (And, oh my lord he was in “Black Dog”! That’s so wrong). In fact, I really
only like the duet segment of even this song.

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